You may feel unsure about what to do when attending a Japanese funeral for the first time. This guide will help you understand the basic customs, etiquette, and schedule so you can participate respectfully.
🔹 服装について
What to Wear
黒いスーツ（男性）、黒のワンピースまたはスーツ（女性）が基本です。
靴やバッグも黒が望ましく、光沢や装飾の少ないものが好まれます。
ネクタイやアクセサリーも控えめに。女性は真珠のネックレスが一般的です。
Black formal wear is standard for both men and women. Avoid flashy accessories or bright colors. Women often wear simple pearl necklaces.
At the reception, bow and say “Okuyami mōshiagemasu” (My condolences). Then hand over the kōden (condolence money) in a special envelope. Sign your name and address in the guestbook.
The tsuya (wake) is held the night before the funeral. During both the wake and funeral, a Buddhist priest chants sutras and guests take turns offering incense. You pinch a small amount of incense, place it in the burner, and bow with your hands together.
🔹 火葬と収骨（参加しないことも）
Cremation and Bone Collection (Optional for Guests)
日本の葬儀では火葬が一般的で、親族が同行し、**収骨（Syuukotsu）**を行います。
一般参列者は火葬に同行しないことが多く、葬儀・告別式でお別れを済ませます。
Most funerals in Japan end with cremation. Family members may attend the syuukotsu (bone-picking ceremony), but general guests usually leave after the ceremony.
Guests may receive a small return gift (kōden-gaeshi) as a token of thanks. A meal may follow, called shōjin-otoshi, but you are not obligated to attend.
Japanese funerals are quiet and solemn. Even if you don’t understand the language, simply follow others’ lead and show quiet respect — that is the most important thing.
